Sunday, June 24, 2012

Meet me...if you dare

First, let me introduce myself...anonymously. For now, I prefer to remain nameless for obvious reasons: I'm slightly disturbed and my poor children, particularly my oldest teenage daughter, are utterly horrified when I speak to others about my life. It wouldn't be fair for them to have the world know the truth about them and our family (according to me, of course) when they are so carefully constructing a completely different story for their teenage friends. Why ruin a perfectly brilliant tale of woe with actual facts?

So, here's the nitty gritty. I am a mom of four teenagers. This is too many teenagers to have a once. Having this many children this close together (or having any at all) is one of my potentially questionable decisions, of which there clearly have been many. I am married to the father of all four children and have been for 20+ years. I have loved my husband most of our marriage, but the bottom line is, if I were to get divorced now, I could say, fairly honestly, yes children, it is YOUR fault (and most of the rest of the blame is his and a tiny weeny bit is mine). I also know the likely answer to the question "How do couples end up divorced after 20 or 30 years of marriage?": TEENAGERS (followed by infidelity and general annoyance).

Aside from these two major aspects of my life that cause me the most stress, I am also a business owner and suffer from a couple of mental illnesses (perhaps neuroses is a better term, but certainly less dramatic) which will become clear to you as you read this blog.

So, if you are looking for a NON-Facebook-perfect-carefully-constructed-photo-edited-positive-affirmation-posting-look-at-how-much-love-money-and-success-we-have version of one family, you're at the right place.

Prepare to hear the rantings and ramblings of an occasionally suicidal mother of four teenagers at midlife peeking over the precipice and awaiting with massive anxiety the culmination of 20+ years of decision making. Writing that sentence just caused me some minor chest pain, and I'm not kidding.''

UPDATE: A dear friend of mine suggested anonymous blogging wasn't as fun and blogging with an alias. I agree. So that you can think of me often by name, I have decided to use my porn name for now: Snap Pinedale. Thanks for the idea Pepper Sunset! You're the best!


  1. I just read the beginning to today... I'm with ya... I'm the mother of a teen and one tween. Oy vey! If I miss a post, I'm gonna be pissed cause hearing others cope with kids and actually making me laugh about it will definitely be a highlight of my day!!! Then maybe... just maybe... when I get home to my house which I clean and they dirty completely daily, I MIGHT remember something you said and laugh. Or at least wish I could write it down like you do cause that would show them!!! 0_o

  2. Welcome aboard. I'm sure I will have much to say about cleaning in the future! I'm thoroughly cleaning my kitchen right now and the things I am finding are making me want to strangle someone with the vacuum cord...but I'm resisting..for now. I'm hopeful that there are others out there going through similar struggles and that not everyone else's teenagers are philanthropic scholars working on the cure for cancer and waiting for marriage to have sex. Hope you keep reading!