Wednesday, June 27, 2012


Yes, I am a pap-crastinator. I have not had a pap smear since I was pregnant with child #4 over 13 years ago. Of course, I'm arriving at the time of life (or arrived a few years ago) when I have to start having tests for this and that horrible and deadly disease, but I just can't bring myself to do it.

First, of course, is my anxiety on the issue of public weighing. I know how much I weigh, I have been weighed many times in my life, I have survived all of these weighings without significant damage. But, it remains an obstacle. Yes, I'm fat. I mean, I want to lose weight, but dammit, it's hard. And, if I continue on this path of denial and no early detection, perhaps I will get one of the dreaded cancers and it will take care of the weight thing for me. Why make the effort of losing weight when cancer may do it for me...effortlessly? (Although I have heard a vicious rumor that not everyone with cancer loses weight. That would be me...I'm always "that" person.)

Second, I'm not so much in to having all my parts felt anymore. When you're in college or in the childbearing years having kids right and left, you're used to having hands all up in your business and all over your body. I'm done with that now. I'm busy with other stuff, like trying not to shoot myself in the head because my kids are complete animals trashing my house, but I digress...

Finally, who will I go to for this pap smear? Being out of the loop for 13+ years means I don't have a gynecologist in my phone contacts anymore. This leaves me with a few options: ask a friend (of which there are few); consult Angie's List (that's how I found the dermatologist that I had to undress IN FRONT of to have my skin checked. She did say, we're all girls in here, but come on lady...); or wait for a Groupon.

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