Tuesday, July 3, 2012

The cult of Herbalife

Check out this text I got from my daughter, who hates my guts (I fixed the usual grammatical issues): "Proud of you for having your shake! Don't forget lunch and eat your protein bars for snacks!" I have also received texts with helpful tips about yummy shake combos. What would inspire this creature who spends 99.78% of her time loathing my existence and sending me profanity filled texts about how I should leave her the $*#& alone: Herbalife. When Herbalife is the topic of conversation, this angst-filled, borderline psychotic teenager becomes a sweet and wonderful human being deeply concerned with everyone's health and weight-loss needs, much like a pod person.

Who would have thought a meal-replacement shake program could soothe a tortured soul...for about two minutes.

I have yet to try saying things like "healthy meal replacement," "cell activator," or "snack defense," when things get really hairy just to see what happens. Could these words possibly be used as triggers that cause her to turn from a rampaging freak show of teenage craziness into a docile, Herbalife robot repeating the benefits of supplements and listing all the fun meal replacement combinations that practically that turn your shake into a candy bar in a glass? Have the Herbalife people gotten this far in their programming? It's worth a try! I should have tried it last night when I asked her to fold some laundry...

I'm only on teenager #2 with two more to go...and the Church of Scientology just opened up next to their high school. Dear Lord baby Jesus, lyin' there in your ghost manger, just lookin' at your Baby Einstein developmental videos, learnin' 'bout shapes and colors, please help me!!!


  1. Oh my gosh, I jumped on the Herbalife train 30 years ago, and promptly jumped off a couple months later. I prefer to eat real food.

  2. If I have to hear any more about shake options or energy boosting tea, I will be jumping off as the train goes over a bridge.

  3. Good to eat real food.. But watch out for unfoods.. Like fast foods, junk foods, sugary drinks. it might be sometimes that resentment, animosity, or bad feelings become attach to somethings or to people, before even making an unbiassed attempt to try them. The products have worked for many people when they are used correctly.......